January 14, 2008

It has been several days since I wrote. It is not due to having learned anything or missed my days with the Lord. It was simply due to my forgetting to do so. I was very moved at church yesterday as we sang. The songs, at least for me, seemed to be centered on the awesomeness of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I was moved to tears as I considered all He has done for me and I am certain will continue to do. I heard a radio program Friday night on the way back from counseling. I cannot recall the name of the speaker, but he as a black preacher preaching his wife's funeral service. What specifically struck me was a question he seemed to face when his wife lay dying: Can you trust me? This statement as been really running through my mind. I want to TRUST HIM. I have spent quite a bit of time talking to the Lord letting him know I WANT TO TRUST YOU. This is specifically when one considers the events of this past year with my wife leaving. I want her home and have found at times that I have inadvertently bargained or tried to manipulate God. I know that is wrong. I just want her to get her life together and obedient to the Lord as well as wanting her home. I understand and am trying to be certain that my motives are accurate and honest. I want her home, but not on my terms. God's terms. Therefore, all I can do is trust Him. There is no promise or guarentee that she will return if I trust Him. I just have the promise He loves me, wants the best for me and he can be trusted to satisfy my every need, with or without her. "Lord, what ever you want. I love You and want to trust You alone for my future, my joy / happiness / peace."