Maech 30, 2008

Tonight I attended the Fifth Sunday Sing at a very small church. My wife and I used to attend this event together. Several months ago I asked the person who hosts the event to sing one of my favorite songs. She agreed. However, she asked that I introduce the song. This is what I shared:

Music is an important part of worship for the Christian. The believer can find both comfort and teaching through this medium. Words of the old familiar hymns are especially useful in this way. When the history of the song is understood and personal application can be made, that song may have even more meaning. That is what this song has done for me.

The history of the song is as follows: “This hymn was writ­ten af­ter two ma­jor trau­mas in Spaf­ford’s life. The first was the great Chi­ca­go Fire of Oc­to­ber 1871, which ru­ined him fi­nan­cial­ly (he had been a weal­thy bus­i­ness­man). Short­ly af­ter, while cross­ing the At­lan­tic, all four of Spaf­ford’s daugh­ters died in a col­li­sion with an­o­ther ship. Spaf­ford’s wife Anna sur­vived and sent him the now fa­mous tel­e­gram, “Saved alone.” Sev­er­al weeks lat­er, as Spaf­ford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daugh­ters died, the Ho­ly Spir­it in­spired these words. They speak to the eter­nal hope that all be­liev­ers have, no mat­ter what pain and grief be­fall them on earth.”

Personally the song has special meeting because:

July 1996 for my wife and me was a very dark time. My sons, Brian and Chris and a friend of theirs, Adam, were in a car wreck that seriously injured Brian and took the life of Chris. During those days and months following, as a believer in Jesus, I begin to question my faith. If I was not grounded in Him and did not trust in His promises, I would have drifted away from Him. It drew me closer to Him, at least for a while. Then, March, 2007 my wife filed for divorce, again, another experience challenging my faith. To make things even more difficult, early this week I learned she re-married, taking any hope of our reconciliation away. Can I continue to trust Him even when I don’t understand what He is doing and why he allows these difficult events to occur in my life? Is the Christian life worth it? Is HE worth it? When I consider who I am, a sinner, unworthy to be considered His child, yet, because of His great love and compassion, has reached down, shed His blood for me, saved and gave me new life, how can I do anything other than continue to trust Him despite how I feel. Feelings come and go. But God’s promises never fail, promises such as those found in:

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:5

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^[a] who^[b] have been called according to his purpose.

So even though I may not understand why God has allowed these events to take place in my life, His precious child, I can say with Horatio Spafford, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain

March 29, 2008

What a great day? God made a real impression on me today. I have been praying that God would, like the prodigal son, return my wife to me. Now that things have gone as they have, coming home is impossible. It dawned on me that I need to change my prayer that she would be like the prodigal son, but return to the Lord in repentance for her behaviors this past year, and, perhaps for many months/years. I believe she knows what she has done is wrong due to her secret behaviors. In that the details of that information are unimportant, what is important is that since she knows what she has been doing is wrong, she needs to repent, returning to the Lord. Please pray with me to that end.

Lord, you know that I love you. You also know that I have been praying for my wife's return for a year now, without the desired result. Why, only You know, Lord. However, I believe that nothing is done without Your knowledge and permissive will. And I know that, regardless of what may appear to me to be a disaster, You have permitted and can use to bring both of us closer to Himself if we will only allow You to. please, Lord, help me grow in y faith, draw me closer to Yourself. I love you Lord. Amen.

March 26, 2008

It is 3:20a and I cannot sleep. Just over eight hours ago I learned that Bonnie married Bill. Obviously, I am crushed! My hopes and dreams for my future have been destroyed, my faith shaken. Although I know I am only reacting out of feelings, right now I feel like all my time with the Lord this past year has been wasted, worthless and wonder why He would allow this to happen. I know better than that and am certain that, in the big picture, I will be OK. I know He is faithful, will never leave me nor forsake me and that He is bigger than any problem I might face, even this one. For now, it just seems so big and so insurmountable. She told me her parents congratulated her. I admit that hurt. It sounded to me that they approved of her actions, but, after talking to Brian Tuesday morning, I don’t believe that to be the case. I understand she is their daughter and feel they need to be there for her. I only wish she would have seen God bigger than she apparently did as the One who alone can make all things right and new between us. Lord, please be my comfort, my friend, my guide. In you only can I trust. All others around me may fail me, disappoint me, but you are my rock, my stronghold. Please help me in this most difficult time! I need you now more than ever before.