Maech 30, 2008

Tonight I attended the Fifth Sunday Sing at a very small church. My wife and I used to attend this event together. Several months ago I asked the person who hosts the event to sing one of my favorite songs. She agreed. However, she asked that I introduce the song. This is what I shared:

Music is an important part of worship for the Christian. The believer can find both comfort and teaching through this medium. Words of the old familiar hymns are especially useful in this way. When the history of the song is understood and personal application can be made, that song may have even more meaning. That is what this song has done for me.

The history of the song is as follows: “This hymn was writ­ten af­ter two ma­jor trau­mas in Spaf­ford’s life. The first was the great Chi­ca­go Fire of Oc­to­ber 1871, which ru­ined him fi­nan­cial­ly (he had been a weal­thy bus­i­ness­man). Short­ly af­ter, while cross­ing the At­lan­tic, all four of Spaf­ford’s daugh­ters died in a col­li­sion with an­o­ther ship. Spaf­ford’s wife Anna sur­vived and sent him the now fa­mous tel­e­gram, “Saved alone.” Sev­er­al weeks lat­er, as Spaf­ford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daugh­ters died, the Ho­ly Spir­it in­spired these words. They speak to the eter­nal hope that all be­liev­ers have, no mat­ter what pain and grief be­fall them on earth.”

Personally the song has special meeting because:

July 1996 for my wife and me was a very dark time. My sons, Brian and Chris and a friend of theirs, Adam, were in a car wreck that seriously injured Brian and took the life of Chris. During those days and months following, as a believer in Jesus, I begin to question my faith. If I was not grounded in Him and did not trust in His promises, I would have drifted away from Him. It drew me closer to Him, at least for a while. Then, March, 2007 my wife filed for divorce, again, another experience challenging my faith. To make things even more difficult, early this week I learned she re-married, taking any hope of our reconciliation away. Can I continue to trust Him even when I don’t understand what He is doing and why he allows these difficult events to occur in my life? Is the Christian life worth it? Is HE worth it? When I consider who I am, a sinner, unworthy to be considered His child, yet, because of His great love and compassion, has reached down, shed His blood for me, saved and gave me new life, how can I do anything other than continue to trust Him despite how I feel. Feelings come and go. But God’s promises never fail, promises such as those found in:

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:5

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^[a] who^[b] have been called according to his purpose.

So even though I may not understand why God has allowed these events to take place in my life, His precious child, I can say with Horatio Spafford, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain

March 29, 2008

What a great day? God made a real impression on me today. I have been praying that God would, like the prodigal son, return my wife to me. Now that things have gone as they have, coming home is impossible. It dawned on me that I need to change my prayer that she would be like the prodigal son, but return to the Lord in repentance for her behaviors this past year, and, perhaps for many months/years. I believe she knows what she has done is wrong due to her secret behaviors. In that the details of that information are unimportant, what is important is that since she knows what she has been doing is wrong, she needs to repent, returning to the Lord. Please pray with me to that end.

Lord, you know that I love you. You also know that I have been praying for my wife's return for a year now, without the desired result. Why, only You know, Lord. However, I believe that nothing is done without Your knowledge and permissive will. And I know that, regardless of what may appear to me to be a disaster, You have permitted and can use to bring both of us closer to Himself if we will only allow You to. please, Lord, help me grow in y faith, draw me closer to Yourself. I love you Lord. Amen.

March 26, 2008

It is 3:20a and I cannot sleep. Just over eight hours ago I learned that Bonnie married Bill. Obviously, I am crushed! My hopes and dreams for my future have been destroyed, my faith shaken. Although I know I am only reacting out of feelings, right now I feel like all my time with the Lord this past year has been wasted, worthless and wonder why He would allow this to happen. I know better than that and am certain that, in the big picture, I will be OK. I know He is faithful, will never leave me nor forsake me and that He is bigger than any problem I might face, even this one. For now, it just seems so big and so insurmountable. She told me her parents congratulated her. I admit that hurt. It sounded to me that they approved of her actions, but, after talking to Brian Tuesday morning, I don’t believe that to be the case. I understand she is their daughter and feel they need to be there for her. I only wish she would have seen God bigger than she apparently did as the One who alone can make all things right and new between us. Lord, please be my comfort, my friend, my guide. In you only can I trust. All others around me may fail me, disappoint me, but you are my rock, my stronghold. Please help me in this most difficult time! I need you now more than ever before.

February 3, 2008

Abram, what a tremendous story! In many ways he could be considered to be the first disciple in that God, in His infinite wisdom, personally instructed and guided this OT patriarch. Two points about his lessons that have meant so much to me so far are: First, God wants us to know Him intimately, in a meaningful and satisfying way and, secondly, He wants us to do good to others. Some might say how cool it must have been to have God teaching him personally. But, think about it. Does He not still do that today through the person of the Holy Spirit? God still wants to have an intimate, personal relationship with each if his children. We get so wrapped up in our day to day activities that we simply don't take the time to develop that relationship. As I have gotten older, I have begun to enjoy my time with my earthly father more and more. He calls me nearly every Sunday morning. I look forward to those calls, even if the call is rather short. Just to share what is going on in our lives is wonderful. Admittedly, I have not always felt that way. I also enjoy my conversations with my own son, eager to see him and spend time talking with him. If I look forward to these earthly relationships as much as I do, I can only imagine how much more my Heavenly Father desires my time with him! Then, when I consider the great length He went to to establish that relationship by sending His own Son to secure my salvation, how can I not be eager and excited about spending my time with Him! Thank you, Father, for Your wonderful gift, and for Your desire to have an intimate, meaningful and satisfying relationship with me. Lord, grant me the opportunities to share that relationship with others and Your wisdom to know how best do that. Amen

February 1, 2008

It is Friday, a day off work. I am disappointed today. A dear friend and I were to be getting together for lunch yesterday but she called and said she needed to reschedule due to her need to work. We reset for today. She called me at 8:05a stating she was sick, really sore throat and an ear ache. Thus, she said we needed to reschedule again, but without a specific date/time. Really bummed me out as I was eager, very eager to see her. I feel like it is somewhat a set back for me in an attempt to restore my relationship with her. Lord, I know You are in charge. I know that I have no control in this, but I also believe I understand Your will, Your perfect will. I also understand You do allow us to make our own decisions, decisions that often do not go along with Your perfect plan and will. I also know You are aware of my desire we be back together. Lord, why? Why is there no evidence that things are getting better between us? I really believe You and I are closer than we have ever been before. For that I am very happy. Lord, please continue to work in me and do what is well pleasing in Your sight. I love You Lord, and desire to continue to grow and deepen my relationship with You. Thank you, Lord, for Who You are. I thank You for Your involvement in my life. Amen.

January 30, 2008

Just finished a book written by Phillip Keller entitled "A shepherd looks at Psalm 23". What a tremendous book. The information about sheep care and sheep behaviors was outstanding! Then, the comparisons of the shepherd and the Great Shepherd were both wonderful and amazing as was the comparison of sheep and the child of Christ. If you have not read this book, I strongly suggest you consider doing so. I borrowed the book and now plan to purchase my own to re-read and begin to highlight. Of the many, many wonderful expressions was the way God cares for me, his tender care, protection, discipline and demonstrations of love. Thank you Lord Jesus that you are my Great Shepherd!"

January 27,2008

I have been rather depressed the last couple of days. Thinking a lot about the personal tragedy that befell me this past year. I KNOW God is in charge and does not allow anything to happen that He does not allow/want. I also KNOW He cares for me and desires His best for me. I have been reading a book entitled A Shepherd's Look at Psalm 23. It is an outstanding book. Yesterday I was reading about the portion "He leads me beside quiet streams". What the author wrote was both accurate and exciting. But it reminded me again of the wrong rode my friend has chosen to travel, causing her to fall deeper and deeper into sin. I am very concerned for this friend. She is going down a very slippery hill and is knowingly and willing being disobedient to the Lord. I know she knows better. I love this person and I ache for her.

Lord, please hear the prayer of my heart. I know You love me and my friend. I know that You care about our lives and are desirous of our listening to You and our being obedient to You. I know my friend is Your child yet has chosen to walk in a way that is not pleasing to You. She will have to one day give an account to You of her behavior. How sad it is that she wants what she wants rather than trust You to do the work in her and in me that You want to do. Lord, please change her heart, change it from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. Lord, I love my friend and my heart breaks for her as I see how she has chosen to go in the direction she wants rather than the direction You want. She is seeking happiness as she defines happiness. True happiness can ONLY be found in our obedience to You. Please, Lord, work in her, convict her, change her heart, draw her back to Yourself. I plead with You Lord. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

January 24, 2008

It has been a few days since I wrote. Just not taken the time...Bad on me!

This past Tuesday, during our Bible Study dealing with prayer, one friend quoted a portion of Ps. 116:1-2. It really caught my attention. It simply says: "I love the Lord because he hears my prayers and answers them. Because he bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I breathe." WOW! These verses are unbelievable. Think about them. Of the many thoughts one could draw from them, the one that sticks out to me the most is that an Infinite, Omnipotent, Creator is so interested in me, one of His created beings, that he hears, listens and answers my prayers. To picture Him, bending down as a parent does, to listen to His child, simply amazes me. I am struck by His sincere, unblemished and intense interest in me. Praise God for his awesome, wonderful goodness to us. I love you. Lord.

January 14, 2008

It has been several days since I wrote. It is not due to having learned anything or missed my days with the Lord. It was simply due to my forgetting to do so. I was very moved at church yesterday as we sang. The songs, at least for me, seemed to be centered on the awesomeness of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I was moved to tears as I considered all He has done for me and I am certain will continue to do. I heard a radio program Friday night on the way back from counseling. I cannot recall the name of the speaker, but he as a black preacher preaching his wife's funeral service. What specifically struck me was a question he seemed to face when his wife lay dying: Can you trust me? This statement as been really running through my mind. I want to TRUST HIM. I have spent quite a bit of time talking to the Lord letting him know I WANT TO TRUST YOU. This is specifically when one considers the events of this past year with my wife leaving. I want her home and have found at times that I have inadvertently bargained or tried to manipulate God. I know that is wrong. I just want her to get her life together and obedient to the Lord as well as wanting her home. I understand and am trying to be certain that my motives are accurate and honest. I want her home, but not on my terms. God's terms. Therefore, all I can do is trust Him. There is no promise or guarentee that she will return if I trust Him. I just have the promise He loves me, wants the best for me and he can be trusted to satisfy my every need, with or without her. "Lord, what ever you want. I love You and want to trust You alone for my future, my joy / happiness / peace."

January 9, 2008

Not much going on today. From my time with the Lord, I read something I had never thought about before. I like using Utmost for His Highest as one tool for my private time. One thought that was presented I never considered before is that the Lord knows even the deepest thoughts of our minds, even thoughts we are conscience of. Knowing this, I can take comfort that, when I surrender everything to the Lord, even those unconscious thoughts become His. When I ask for forgiveness of the things I am aware of, He also cleanses me from the things I may not be aware of. How cool is that? Praise the Lord?

Tonight I had the privilege of sitting with my grandkids. What a great time together. After dinner we played a quiet game. But that was not enough. The wanted to play hide and seek. After some time of that game. we ventured into the realm of tag, which lead to a tickle fest. What a wonderful time with them. We have so much fun together. I love being with them.

With that thought, I will close tonight. God's blessing on all and any readers.

January 8, 2008

Tonight our small group began a new series on prayer. Our leader initiated the series reminding us that there is so much to prayer we rarely consider. One of our members suggested that how we pray and the things for which we pray are in large part based on our understanding of Who God is and what kind of relationship we have with Him. How true! As I spend my personal time with the Lord each day, I am becoming more and more aware of this fact. It causes me to request that He continue to show me more and more of Himself so that I can deepen my relationship with Him and see Him more each day for Who He really is. Additionally, I want to have a deeper appreciation of His power and authority. Lord, I love you, but I want to love you more. Please help me, Lord, as I seek Your face daily to know You better. Amen.

January 7, 2008

Another day, another nickel. Glad today is over. It was a long day, having returned from vacation and having to work in the field until 7:00p, something I had forgotten I needed to do until I returned to work this morning. Yesterday, at church, we began a new series dealing with the patriarchs. We will begin with Abraham next week. Our Bible teacher gave an overview of traditions and life in Mesopotamia in Old Testament times to help us understand why the behaviors of the patriarchs was not out of keeping with what we expect today. We were reminded that the philosophy then as it is now was, "it is all about me". Even though I am His child, I have to admit that there are times when I still think, "it is all about me". Obviously this is an area I will need to continue to work on and surrender to Him. I am eager to get going deeper into this study. It ought to be very exciting. Lord, as we study these men of God, please help me see more of You and allow me to draw closer to You as I understand how You worked in the lives of these men of God.

January 5, 2008

It is Saturday. Not much of a day today. I did read my devotions this morning, but have yet to pray. I went off and obtained by AAA membership, shopped at Wal-Mart and Sam's for a few things and returned home. Sorted through and repacked by Christmas decorations. Found I have gobs of green garland, much more than I need. Will take some to Goodwill. Otherwise, a lazy day. Had a good time with the dog and cat today. The dog really enjoyed being in the house for a while and chewing on his raw hide bone. Was actually inside with the bone about 2.5 hours, very unusual for him. He usually stays in between 30-60 minutes and is ready to get outside. Not today. Well, it is after 10:0p. I did speak to my sister-in-law earlier this evening and found she is doing well after her surgery last week. God is good, answering our prayers in her behalf. About time to go to bed. Lord, thanks for a restful day. Thanks for your presence in my life and the work You are doing, even when I may not see it all the time. Please continue to teach me Your ways and draw me closer to Yourself. I want You to be active in my life. I love You Lord.

January 4, 2008

As I write today, I am sitting in the Tampa International Airport, glad to have spent the time here with my Dad, but also eager to get home to see my brothers and sisters in Christ as well as my dog and cat. My trip has been a real blessing. The time with my Dad was excellent. Of particular blessing was the spiritual time together. Each morning, after breakfast, we spent time in devotions. The time with him and the Lord was very special. I had mentioned in my last entry that we were going to his church for prayer meeting. We did so. It was wonderful. The pastor had not yet returned from his vacation, resulting in the associate pastor speaking. His message came from Acts 2, specifically talking about the three "P's" found there: Prayer, Preaching and Power. This, he shared, was thte beginning fo the first church. Christ had just ascended to the Father and the disciples and others returned to the upper room where they immediately began to pray. Peter then begings to preach the Gospel and finally, God's power was observed as a result of the prayers and preaching. The pastor presented this message as the body there will be involved in a week of prayer later this month and will also have a guest speaker / evangelist in February. Ted was "stirring" the brothers and sisters to be in much prayer for these two special events. In that my local Bible Study group will begin a study dealing with prayer next week, I thought this was a very appropriate message.

On another note, in my personal time this morning, I was once again impressed with the need to "wait on the Lord". My timing and his are not necessarily the same. I want to run ahead of Him too many times. My mind specifically goes to the events of last year with Bonnie and her departure. It has been 10 months now since her announcement and three since things were finalized. I question why God has not heard my prayers and respond to what I believe to be His will (God is not a god of division, but of unity. He does not divide, but puts that which is broken back together again. He does not teach divorce, especially for the reasons Bonnie has cited as her "reasons".) As a result, I often get discouraged and saddened. But, I am constantly reminded HE ALONE IS IN CONTROL, Bonnie may think she is, but, ultimately, He is. I need to wait on Him, be it a few more days or years. I must wait on him.Well, enough for now. God's blessings on all who might find this. I trust God will work in you His will and good pleasure. To God be the glory!

January 2, 2008

Well, as stated in my first entry, I am not good at keeping these kind of things up. Thus, the long interval since my last entry. However, God has continued to be doing great things. I am constantly amazed at His grace and mercy demonstrated toward me. I expected to be alone for Christmas, the first Christmas since Bonnie left. I awoke that morning thinking about my loneliness. My very next thought was a passage of scripture, "This is the day the Lord has made.
We glad and rejoice in it." (Ps. 118:24). I immediately thanked him for the day and set my mind to praise Him and have a good day. And I did! I was invited for dinner with one of my best friends' parents' home. We had a wonderful time, talking mostly about spiritual issues. Dinner was excellent (grilled salmon - one of my most favorite meals, and ribs) and exchanged gifts. It was a wonderful day. I also had the opportunity to do a ride along with my son, police officer for a local police department, both Monday and Friday. Sunday Bonnie and I joined my son and his family and celebrated the Lord's birth together, exchanged gifts, played games, and went out for dinner together. Another perfect day. Monday I flew to FL to spend the New Years and following week with my dad. I enjoyed having devotions together, some lasting as long as 2 hours. We also had dinner at his girlfriend's daughter's home. Wonderful meal. Trudy and her husband are both very strong believers as well and we enjoyed about four hours discussing various spiritual issues. Again, a wonderful day. Dad and I met this morning with his financial advisor and then rented a movie, The Nativity Story. Dad never saw it before. We watched the movie after having lunch at Sweet Tomato, one of my favorite places to eat when visitng Dad. Dad took a nap while I listened to Dino CD's. WOW! Did I ever enjoy that. We will be going to mid-week service at his church this evening. I am eager to get into the Word and pray with the brothers and sisters here. Well, praise the Lord for his blessings. He is soooooo good! I am certain glad I am one of his dear children.